I may have been done exploring foreign lands, but I wasn’t quite done exploring. Other than a layover at LAX, I had never been to California and there was a wedding in San Fransisco with my name on it. Actually, it had Brian and Amanda Zunner-Keating’s names on it, but let’s be serious…….”open bar” is my middle name. Gregory Open-Bar Greenberg. I roll in, the beat drops and people be like, “Da-da-da-da-da, it’s the motherfucking GOBG….Greenballz, motherfuckers.” If you know the song, I hope it’s stuck in your head right now because it’s been stuck in mine for 10 minutes while I tried to come up with that line. If you don’t know it, allow me to introduce you…..

I still maintain that Dr. Dre’s “Chronic” album is one of the greatest rap albums of all time.

The best part about this wedding was that it was a family wedding and that meant that one whole side of my family was going to be there!!! My mom, step-dad (Brian), and sister (Cassie) picked me up at the airport and we headed to the house we had rented in Mill Valley via the Golden Gate Bridge.

I only slept 1 hour on the 14 hour flight from Sydney to Vancouver.  I left Sydney at 10:10 am on June 29th and arrived in Vancouver at 7:50 am on June 29th. I will never share the secret of time travel with any of you!!!

After a short nap, I went with my aunt (Faith), her husband (Dave) and my cousin (Kimmie) to the airport to pick up Jess, James and the kids. I was so excited for this part!!! I hid in the back of the van and waited to surprise them.

Out of the way James!!! CUT!!! Take 2…and…..ACTION!!!

AHHHHHH!!! I missed those hugs!!! As the 10 of us drove back across the Golden Gate Bridge, we broke into a rousing rendition of the Full House theme song. “When you’re lost out there and you’re all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home. Everywhere you look…” It’s good to be home-ish!!

The next day, my mom, Brian, Cassie and I went down to Pier 39 to meet up with the Laraia’s (my other aunt, uncle and cousins on my mom’s side) after their tour of Alcatraz. We went to the world famous Ghirardelli’s for ice cream and wandered around the boardwalk for a while.

We went our separate ways after a few hours and I started Operation Full House house. Mission failure was not an option. The fate of my San Fransisco experience and my childhood rested upon the success of this mission.

I’m pleased to announce that the mission was a success, although the steps of the Tanner home were a little less full than I would have liked (I’m talkin to you, cousins. Ya, all of you!!)

1709 Broderick Street, San Fransisco (in case anyone wants to visit the Tanners).

The Tanner’s didn’t have room for an extra 4 people at the dinner table, so we headed back over the bridge to Sausalito for dinner. After some cocktails and a delicious, seafood dinner we went over to San Rafael to visit with the everyone else at each of the houses they had rented.

The next morning, the McGowan’s had an interesting ride up the mountain to pick Cassie and I up to head into the city.  In just 5 short days, I learned exactly how fearful of windy, mountain roads a few members of my family are and my dreams of retiring to New Zealand and dragging my whole family along were shattered forever.

We went to lunch at Pier 39, which is code for the grown ups need a cocktail. Between my drinks and the kids’ root beer floats, it was time to get silly and by “time to get” I mean it’s pretty much 24-7.  We had almost 6 months of pent up awesomeness to get out.

We finished lunch, walked around the shops at the pier and saw the sea lions before it was time to head back over the bridge to get ready for the wedding rehearsal and dinner.

We drove up into the mountains to the wedding venue and I was once again in a eucalyptus forest. It was almost like being in Australia with my family, except not even close. I took a short hike with Logan and Kylah before the wedding rehearsal started and then got cast as a ruggedly handsome, yet still adorable, fill-in escort for the mother of the bride.

The rest of the night went well and everyone headed home after a couple hours at the dinner. Had to rest up for the real perfomance the next day!!

The wedding went off without a hitch the next day and everyone made it down to the marina in plenty of time for the reception boat. I’m sorry, the absolutely gorgeous, 4 level, reception yacht. It was time to party!!!

Did someone say after party? Where we going? The Bar With No Name? Great!! I wouldn’t have remembered the name the next day anyway.

That’s as serious as I’ve ever seen Jess in most pictures in my entire life. Clearly, I missed the memo.

AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE A PANO PARTY, CUZ A PANO PARTY…….stops at a reasonable hour before us weirdos scare other people too much.

(Somewhere there is a cake cutting video that I need to get my hands on.)

I was later informed of Uber rides home and having to walk (or stumble) up the steep driveway back at the house. Weddings really bring out the Fuzzy in me.

I managed to get out of bed the next day to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge in the gorgeous, San Fransisco fog.

We met the last remaining family members in the city for lunch.

After lunch we went for a walk through Haight-Ashbury, which apparently is the real San Fransisco treat. This area of San Fran is where the whole hippie, “free love” movement started and never left. Public use and sale of marijuana seems to be ignored by law enforcement. I saw people smoking blunts, corner drug deals and a guy selling buds out of a gallon, glass jar.

The other thing I saw and can never unsee was a man, probably in his late sixties, walking down the street wearing nothing but a hat and a sock on his penis. This was also part of the “not amused” look in the photo above.

After a stroll through Golden Gate Park, which is best described as “a place I would avoid at night,” we all headed back to our house in Mill Valley before going out for our last dinner in California.

The next day it was back to Cape Cod to see the rest of the people that had missed me so much. Lots of drinking would ensue over the next 4 days, but I made it back to Holliston in one piece and have been trying to organize my life before rejoining the real world and going back to work. Do I have to??

Darwin is the closest city to Southeast Asia and as such is a significant military stronghold. During a single attack in World War II, more bombs were dropped on Darwin than Pearl Harbor. The United States has a military base in Darwin and our soldiers often come to train with Australian soldiers out in the bush in The Top End (the Northern part of the Northern Territory), due to it’s extremely harsh conditions.

Darwin is also considered the “redneck capital” of Australia. One week before I arrived they had super car races at the Darwin Speedway and this coming weekend they are having the Beer Can Regatta. It’s basically a giant party down at the harbour with the main attraction being a boat race. The catch is that these boats are made out of empty beer cans. It sounds amazing and if I was still going to be in Australia, I would have been there for it. It was actually my initial reason for wanting to go to Darwin when I started planning this trip a year and a half ago.

I arrived around 1:30 and got settled in my way too small hostel. Rooms were small, kitchens were cramped and there were 4 toilets and showers in the whole place for like 50 people. The common area would have been ok, except there is nothing to do in Darwin most nights other than drink so if you didn’t have a seat outside by 2 or 3 in the afternoon, there were no seats left. I didn’t have a single drink in Darwin, which would surprise anyone who knows me and has been there.

I explored the town the first day for a couple hours, got dinner and then relaxed at the hostel all night. The next day I spent a couple hours walking along the Esplanade and through the park overlooking the ocean. I tried to start my souvenir shopping, but there wasn’t even much of that in Darwin unless you wanted to go to the shitty, tourist souvenir stores.

After dinner that night, I ended up going to see the new Tupac movie “All Eyez On Me.” It was pretty good.

The next morning, my tour guide from Tasmania, Chrissy, picked me up for her Wetland Cruises Corroboree Billabong Cruise. Back in Tassy, she had already known she was leaving for Darwin and I knew I’d be in Darwin in June so we made plans when I had finally booked that part of my trip.

During the drive down we stopped across the street from the Humpty Doo Hotel, which became rather famous for it’s “Darwin Stubby” beer drinking competition that began in 1988. A Darwin Stubby is a 2.25 litre beer, though they are no longer produced. The man who won it the first year drank a stubby in 60.6 seconds. After a couple years, a local man entered his bull, Norman, in the competition. Norman went on to win that competition every year until he died from liver sclerosis. He once downed a stubby in 47 seconds.

We stopped at a tavern to pick up the rest of the tour group and the lunches. At the tavern they had a few animal enclosures. They had a freshwater crocodile, saltwater crocodile and an albino buffalo.

We made 3 more short stops on the way to the billabong to check out the wetlands and wetland birdlife.

Finally, we got to the billabong and boarded the boat. A billabong is a branch of a river flowing away from the main stream but leading to no other body of water. Billabongs can be temporary and many only hold water during the rainy season. There’s a famous Aussie song called “Waltzing Matilda,” about a jolly swagman camping by the billabong. And now ladies and gentleman, Mr. Slim Dusty…..

That kinda felt like a Family Guy, Conway Twitty cutaway, didn’t it? I wonder if Seth needs a new writer.

If you look at the related videos, there’s one of Johnny Cash performing the song in concert. Andy first introduced me to the song when we were camping in our swags in The Outback.

Anyway…..the cruise was about 2 1/2 hrs long and we ate lunch on the boat while Chrissy talked to us about the billabong and all the wildlife. We saw quite a few crocs, but there were also so many different kinds of birds. I have pictures, but I don’t remember all the names. Sorry…..

I timed this picture of a white-bellied, sea eagle perfect….except for one thing, but I think it’s pretty funny.

I spent most of the day chatting with Chrissy and a girl from Toronto named Elizabeth. It was a great, peaceful day on the water. All it was missing was a cooler full of beers.

Chrissy dropped me off last and we hugged goodbye. It was great to see her again. Her energy is infectious and she takes such joy out of life. I got some dinner and spent the rest of the night relaxing.

The following day I was up before the sun for my trip to Litchfield National Park. My tour guide was named Joey, which meant I already had an in because Elizabeth had done this tour 2 days earlier with him. We drove around the city making the tour pick ups and then made an unplanned stop at the wharf as the sun was rising. The Top End is known for the beautiful reds and oranges that the sunrises and sunsets produce. They were pretty great, but I’m still giving the edge to Uluru and Kata Tjuta.

We stopped at the park entrance for pictures and then drove on to the termite mounds. There are many types of termites in Australia, including piping termites which hollow out the trees that are eventually used to make didgeridoos. The ones we were focused on were the Cathedral Termites. These termites build huge, cathedral mounds and spend most of their lives inside them and underground. This mound is around 50 years old and houses millions and millions of termites.

Joey talked to us about the termites for a few minutes and then made a small hole in the mound so that we could watch the workers come out and start fixing it. He grabbed a few and put them in his mouth and then asked if anyone wanted to try one. Mine was the first hand up. They tasted a bit like pepper.

Our next stop was Mangi Falls. During “The Wet,” saltwater crocs can roam free throughout the flat land, so before opening the swimming hole for “The Dry,” authorities go in and remove any salties that made their way to Mangi Falls. They leave the freshwater crocodiles alone though, since they are mostly harmless…….kinda.

I swam for about 20 minutes before walking up to the treetop lookout.

We had a bbq lunch and then drove to Florence Falls. We climbed down the 135 stairs and then swam for about 30 minutes at the base of the falls.

Next we were off to Buley Rockhole. While most of the group went to the crowded, tourist area, Joey took me and a younger kid further downstream on what he calls “Joey’s Barefoot Adventure.”

We walked down a path and then barefoot off into the bush. Joey told me, “It’s best to walk barefoot, that way if you step on a snake you can feel it underfoot before it bites you.” Hahahaha. We walked past a green ant nest and we all ate some. They taste like lime. We got to the stream, lowered ourselves in and started swimming slowly and quietly downstream looking for wildlife (snakes mostly).

After about 10 minutes, Joey stopped along the bank and told us the area we were in was a freshwater crocodile breeding ground (breeding season is over) and showed us where the females lay their eggs on the bank. He also told us that not long ago, he was doing the exact same thing with another group and a king brown snake slithered into the water and across the stream a few feet behind them. Why don’t I have that kind of luck?? 😔

Another 10 minutes downstream and we climbed out of the water and walked back to the tourist area. We dove in a few times there and then headed back to the bus and back to Darwin.

During the drive back, we drove right past some controlled bush burning. They do a lot of controlled burning in Australia to help avoid huge bush fires, especially in certain parts like the Top End. They do segmented burning so that the animals have a place nearby to hide until they can go back to their homes.

When we got back to Darwin, I walked down to the Mindil Beach Sunset Markets. I was looking for souvenirs and quality food truck food, but it was so crowded that I didn’t get either. I did get a beautiful sunset on the beach when I arrived at the markets though.

The next day my plans included Crocosaurus Cove and the Cage of Death!! This was the 2nd reason I wanted to come to Darwin, because if you have something called the Cage of Death then I want in.

I spent a lot of my day at Crocosaurus Cove, but my Cage of Death session was scheduled for 1 o’clock, so I killed time watching a couple other people do it, checking out the other reptiles and watching them feed the aquarium fish.

At Crocosaurus Cove, the salties are the big attraction (literally). They have some of the largest saltwater crocodiles in captivity in the world. They also have a crocodile named “Burt” after Burt Reynolds because he’s a movie star and he knows it. Burt was featured in a few movies, most notably Crocodile Dundee!!!

Finally it was time for my safety briefing, which was basically just signing an indemnity waiver.

“Yea, yea, if somethin bad happens, you’re not responsible. Where do I sign?”

They also explained the picture package options to me and the guy told me that normally people end up with 50-150 pictures, but the record is 435.

Now it was time!!!! I got in the cage and they lowered me into the water with a croc named Chopper. He is a 5.5 meter (17′ 10″), 790 kilogram (1,743 lb) saltwater crocodile. The 2nd biggest croc at the cove and that’s only because Wendell weighs 10 kgs more. They are both 5.5 meters long. I spent 15 minutes in the cage. The first 10 mostly underwater and the last 5 in shallow water as they tried to get Chopper to bang against the cage by dangling chicken in front of him. IT WAS AWESOME!!

When I went to pick up my pictures, the photographer told me, “I couldn’t stop taking pictures. You’ve been the best model all month.” She took 404 pictures. I missed the record by 31!!! I only got to pick out 2 prints, but I bought the full video and picture package, so eventually I’ll get around to uploading those to my computer back home and posting more, but the two I picked are pretty great (if I do say so myself).

After the Cage of Death, I watched them feed Burt before I left.

Later that afternoon, I walked down to Stokes Hill Wharf to watch the sunset.

I was on a plane back to Sydney the next day with only a handful of days left in my trip. I had already done most of what I wanted to in Sydney, so a lot of my time has been spent shopping for gifts and getting ready for the trip home. There were 2 things left I wanted to do though: Walk across the Harbour Bridge and get the best picture I possibly could of Sydney Harbour.

Last night I walked across the bridge for sunset and tonight I went to Mrs. Macquarie’s Point for sunset. I have some pretty great pictures from the 2 nights. I’ll try to narrow this down to my favorites though.

Tomorrow is my last full day here before I fly to San Fransisco on Thursday (Wendesday in the U.S.) for my cousin Brian and his fiancee Amanda’s wedding. It’s bittersweet. I’m super excited to see my family, but sad that the adventure is ending. There will still be a a few more posts about San Fransisco, general thoughts and one that is mostly just pictures once I load my digital camera, Crocosaurus cove disk and skydiving thumb drive on my computer back home. For now though, I will leave you where I started…..with my favorite book, Into the Wild.

An excerpt from an Everett Ruess letter as quoted in the book:

“In my wanderings this year I have taken more chances and had more wild adventures than ever before. And what magnificient country I have seen…”

 

 

When I arrived in Brisbane, I got off the plane and proceeded with the normal customs routine. I always get pulled aside at customs because I have to check the criminal conviction box thanks to my OUI. This time was no different and I thought nothing of it until the questions started.

After a few basic questions, the customs agent asked if I had any luggage that I had checked and when I said I had 1 bag, he asked if I would go get it and come back. When I came back, he was gone and I waited 10 minutes for him to come back. I was getting a little nervous that they may refuse me entry.

When he eventually returned, he had paper, pen and 20 minutes worth of questions about my travels. He asked me everything from where I had been so far to, “It says here you’re a landscaper, but how does a landscaper afford to travel for so long without working?” He also wanted to see proof of my departing flight home. Thankfully, he never asked to see the contents of my bag because I had lied on the customs form and was smuggling my Vanuatu, river soiled boots into Australia. Finally the Australian Inquisition ended and I was allowed back into the country.

This whole process became more entertaining to me when 10 days later I boarded a flight from Brisbane to Perth and my id didn’t get checked a single time at the airport. Not even when I used a kiosk to get my boarding pass.

Anyway…….Brisbane.

As I said at the end of my last post, Vanuatu sent me back to Australia with a special gift. For 5 days I never ventured too far from my room for very long. I even went to the doctor, which people back home know is not something I do. Even crazier is that I went because I was tired of pooping. It wasn’t fun anymore. Pooping should always be enjoyable.

I need to take a minute here to talk about how fucking awful America’s healthcare system is compared to Australia. I haven’t had health insurance while I’ve been travelling, just travel insurance covering really bad stuff.

Here’s a summary of my medical care:

Initial doctor exam- $50 AU ($36.5 US)-Without an appointment, I waited 15 minutes and in total was in and out in 35 minutes.

Prescription- $12.50 AU ($9.12 US)- I handed the pharmacist the prescription and in under a minute she handed me the medicine. No, “it’ll be ready in an hour” nonsense.

The meds didn’t help, so the next step was bringing in a sample for lab work. Results back in under 48 hours. I was never charged for the lab test.

Follow up visit & diagnosis- $25 AU ($18.25 US)- In and out in 30 minutes.

Total time out if my life- 1 hour 6 minutes

Total cost- $63.87 US

Feel free to figure out yourself how much time and money I would have wasted in Massachusetts for the same services.

Ok, now I’ll actually talk about Brisbane……

By day 6, I felt well enough to head out for a few hours. I headed down to the river to a park area called South Bank and strolled around there for a while.

It was nice to get out for a bit, but soon the Gregarian forces had to retreat to base camp for the night.

The next morning I felt much better (or so I thought) and I walked across the Story Bridge to the Cliffs Boardwalk. I followed the boardwalk along the river to Kangaroo Point before making my way back across the bridge.

I went back to the hostel with plans to rest before heading out again that night, but the parasite had other plans. So instead, I dropped a present off at the doctor’s office and then relaxed until just before sunset. I wanted to see South Bank at night, because what city isn’t prettier when it’s lit up at night?

The next day was my last day in Brisbane and I took a day trip to North Stradbroke Island. “Straddie” is the 2nd largest sand island in the world only behind Fraser Island from one of my earlier posts.

We took a 45 minute ferry ride over to the island from Cleveland and then our first stop was Brown Lake.

Those are mangroves growing in the middle of Moreton Bay. On the return ride, that was a giant sand bar. Mangroves are pretty talented at desalination.

After the lake, we headed to the beach at Amity Point. On the walk down to the beach we saw a koala. When we got to the beach, there were 2 dolphins swimming right down by the edge of the water. By the time we got down to the water though, they had swam too far out to get any good pictures.

Next we got lunch and then walked from the restaurant to Cylinder Beach where we had about 45 minutes of free time.

From there we headed to Point Lookout for a coastal walk. It’s the beginning of the whale migration season (they gotta swim North to go make babies), so we were hoping to spot some humpbacks as well as sea turtles and maybe a shark. Well, the only thing I saw was a kangaroo. At this point kangaroos have to do something cool for me to be all that interested (i.e., kangaroo boxing or the way they act around dogs are both hilarious to watch). This little lady had something new for me though…..

She had a little joey in her pouch. The only joey that small that I had seen was, Ralph, at the kangaroo orphanage in Coober Pedy.

We made one last stop to see kangaroos and then headed back to the ferry. I headed up top to the observation deck and as soon as we left the dock, I saw a sea turtle. By the time I got my phone out to take a picture the turtle had dove out of site. I saw Crush though. It counts!! I still want to swim with one though. I also saw a pod of dolphins and managed to once again get a pretty bad fin picture out of it. These damn marine animals are hard to photograph if you aren’t in the water with them.

So that was my super exciting, illness ridden time in Brisbane. I did enjoy the excuse to relax and not do much. It also gave me time to plan out the rest of my trip. The next day I was off to Perth on the West Coast!!