I may have been done exploring foreign lands, but I wasn’t quite done exploring. Other than a layover at LAX, I had never been to California and there was a wedding in San Fransisco with my name on it. Actually, it had Brian and Amanda Zunner-Keating’s names on it, but let’s be serious…….”open bar” is my middle name. Gregory Open-Bar Greenberg. I roll in, the beat drops and people be like, “Da-da-da-da-da, it’s the motherfucking GOBG….Greenballz, motherfuckers.” If you know the song, I hope it’s stuck in your head right now because it’s been stuck in mine for 10 minutes while I tried to come up with that line. If you don’t know it, allow me to introduce you…..

I still maintain that Dr. Dre’s “Chronic” album is one of the greatest rap albums of all time.

The best part about this wedding was that it was a family wedding and that meant that one whole side of my family was going to be there!!! My mom, step-dad (Brian), and sister (Cassie) picked me up at the airport and we headed to the house we had rented in Mill Valley via the Golden Gate Bridge.

I only slept 1 hour on the 14 hour flight from Sydney to Vancouver.  I left Sydney at 10:10 am on June 29th and arrived in Vancouver at 7:50 am on June 29th. I will never share the secret of time travel with any of you!!!

After a short nap, I went with my aunt (Faith), her husband (Dave) and my cousin (Kimmie) to the airport to pick up Jess, James and the kids. I was so excited for this part!!! I hid in the back of the van and waited to surprise them.

Out of the way James!!! CUT!!! Take 2…and…..ACTION!!!

AHHHHHH!!! I missed those hugs!!! As the 10 of us drove back across the Golden Gate Bridge, we broke into a rousing rendition of the Full House theme song. “When you’re lost out there and you’re all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home. Everywhere you look…” It’s good to be home-ish!!

The next day, my mom, Brian, Cassie and I went down to Pier 39 to meet up with the Laraia’s (my other aunt, uncle and cousins on my mom’s side) after their tour of Alcatraz. We went to the world famous Ghirardelli’s for ice cream and wandered around the boardwalk for a while.

We went our separate ways after a few hours and I started Operation Full House house. Mission failure was not an option. The fate of my San Fransisco experience and my childhood rested upon the success of this mission.

I’m pleased to announce that the mission was a success, although the steps of the Tanner home were a little less full than I would have liked (I’m talkin to you, cousins. Ya, all of you!!)

1709 Broderick Street, San Fransisco (in case anyone wants to visit the Tanners).

The Tanner’s didn’t have room for an extra 4 people at the dinner table, so we headed back over the bridge to Sausalito for dinner. After some cocktails and a delicious, seafood dinner we went over to San Rafael to visit with the everyone else at each of the houses they had rented.

The next morning, the McGowan’s had an interesting ride up the mountain to pick Cassie and I up to head into the city.  In just 5 short days, I learned exactly how fearful of windy, mountain roads a few members of my family are and my dreams of retiring to New Zealand and dragging my whole family along were shattered forever.

We went to lunch at Pier 39, which is code for the grown ups need a cocktail. Between my drinks and the kids’ root beer floats, it was time to get silly and by “time to get” I mean it’s pretty much 24-7.  We had almost 6 months of pent up awesomeness to get out.

We finished lunch, walked around the shops at the pier and saw the sea lions before it was time to head back over the bridge to get ready for the wedding rehearsal and dinner.

We drove up into the mountains to the wedding venue and I was once again in a eucalyptus forest. It was almost like being in Australia with my family, except not even close. I took a short hike with Logan and Kylah before the wedding rehearsal started and then got cast as a ruggedly handsome, yet still adorable, fill-in escort for the mother of the bride.

The rest of the night went well and everyone headed home after a couple hours at the dinner. Had to rest up for the real perfomance the next day!!

The wedding went off without a hitch the next day and everyone made it down to the marina in plenty of time for the reception boat. I’m sorry, the absolutely gorgeous, 4 level, reception yacht. It was time to party!!!

Did someone say after party? Where we going? The Bar With No Name? Great!! I wouldn’t have remembered the name the next day anyway.

That’s as serious as I’ve ever seen Jess in most pictures in my entire life. Clearly, I missed the memo.

AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE A PANO PARTY, CUZ A PANO PARTY…….stops at a reasonable hour before us weirdos scare other people too much.

(Somewhere there is a cake cutting video that I need to get my hands on.)

I was later informed of Uber rides home and having to walk (or stumble) up the steep driveway back at the house. Weddings really bring out the Fuzzy in me.

I managed to get out of bed the next day to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge in the gorgeous, San Fransisco fog.

We met the last remaining family members in the city for lunch.

After lunch we went for a walk through Haight-Ashbury, which apparently is the real San Fransisco treat. This area of San Fran is where the whole hippie, “free love” movement started and never left. Public use and sale of marijuana seems to be ignored by law enforcement. I saw people smoking blunts, corner drug deals and a guy selling buds out of a gallon, glass jar.

The other thing I saw and can never unsee was a man, probably in his late sixties, walking down the street wearing nothing but a hat and a sock on his penis. This was also part of the “not amused” look in the photo above.

After a stroll through Golden Gate Park, which is best described as “a place I would avoid at night,” we all headed back to our house in Mill Valley before going out for our last dinner in California.

The next day it was back to Cape Cod to see the rest of the people that had missed me so much. Lots of drinking would ensue over the next 4 days, but I made it back to Holliston in one piece and have been trying to organize my life before rejoining the real world and going back to work. Do I have to??