I flew from Hobart back to Melbourne and Tasmania didn’t seem to want me to leave. My flight was delayed about an hour and then when we boarded some girls sat in the wrong seats and threw off the headcount, so we sat in the plane for about another 30 minutes while the crew figured out the problem.

I finally got checked into the hostel in Melbourne at around 1:30 am. I spent most of the day catching up on journaling and blogging after my trip to Tasmania. I think if I ever did decide to move here permanently, Hobart would be my home, at least right now.

The one thing I didn’t do in Melbourne the first time around, was go to the observation deck at the Eureka Skydeck. It’s the highest observation deck in the Southern Hemisphere at 88 stories. The elevator travels from the ground floor to the top in just 38 seconds. I wanted to go at night, so once the sun began to set, I headed for the tower.

I really can’t stand small, crowded tourist, spaces not because of claustrophia or anything, but because so many people are so inconsiderate and act like they are the only ones around. I blew in and out of the skydeck in 20 minutes (so $1 a minute is what I paid to get in) and the whole time I just wanted to kick people out of my way.

The views were spectacular. The pictures are ok because of glare from lights on the windows. Not really sure what happened here, but this is probably my favorite picture from up on the deck….

So that was my very short, not so exciting return to Melbourne. In the morning, I was off on a 3 day tour of the Great Ocean Road and The Grampians on my way to Adelaide.

At the start of day 6, our original tour family was down to just 8. We set out in the morning for the Port Arthur Historic Site. Port Arthur was a penal colony from 1833-1853. It was reserved for the worst of the criminals. Cons that had reoffended after their transportation to Australia were sent to the prison. It was often referred to as “Hell on Earth.” At the time, Port Arthur was one of only 3 prisons in the world to use solitary confinement as a means of punishment. These prisoners were held in “The Separate Prison.” They were confined to their dark cells for 23 hrs a day, forced to remain silent at all times, given minimal bread and water and made to wear masks anytime they were removed from their cells. So many men went mad in The Separate Prison that an asylum had to be built on the grounds to house the mentally unstable prisoners.

We took a short ferry tour of the bay and saw the Isle of the Dead where they buried anyone who died at Port Arthur. Convicts were buried together in large unmarked graves, while non-convicts were buried in lone graves with headstones. Because of this, they are unsure how many bodies are buried on the small island, but they estimate it’s between 1,000 and 1,700.

After Port Arthur, we made stops at Pirates Bay, Maingon Bay, Tasmans arch and Devil’s Kitchen.

 

At Maingon Bay we walked down to Remarkable Cave. When I reached the cave, I was disappointed to see a viewing platform that stopped about 8-10 ft above the sand below. I didn’t see any signs prohibiting you from jumping down and it looked easy enough to climb my way back up, so down I went. Afterall, what’s the point of a cave if you can’t go into it??

The remarkable part was walking out the other side of the cave onto deserted white sand beaches with crystal blue waters. The lesson here: Don’t stop moving forward just because the path ends.

From Devil’s Kitchen, we headed back to Hobart and met up later with a few of the people left from our tour for drinks at Salamanca Market.

Day 7, and our original group was down to 6 now. We got up early and drove to the summit of Mt. Wellington. Towering over Hobart at about 4,000 feet, the mountain provides spectacular views of the city.

On the drive there though, we passed a house that 2 days later I would go find because of what I saw in the window.

Not the spectacular city views I was expecting when I got up in the morning.

We took an hour and 20 minute hike along the Organ Pipes Track down the mountain to The Springs. After the walk, we were headed to the harbor to take the ferry over to the Museum of New and Old Art (MONA), but first the driver swung us over to see the Cascade Brewery, which is the oldest brewery in Australia.

On the ferry ride over to MONA, I rode on a sheep. That’s not even remotely close to the weirdness that would follow. I’ll let the few pictures I took of “the art” do the talking.

That’s “The Lonesome Cowboy” and his “love lasso.” I laughed uncontrollably in a musuem for 5 minutes straight. Also, 77 women thought it would be empowering to have vagina molds made and entered as art under the name “Cunts……and other other conversations.” Good call on that one ladies.

Day 8…..It’s the last day of the tour and I got about 3 hours of sleep last night. It was Bruny Island day though and I had been waiting the whole tour for my oysters. We took the ferry over to the island and headed to Cape Bruny and the Bruny Island Lighthouse.

I took exactly one picture of the lighthouse on my other camera, because I’m from Cape Cod and it’s a lighthouse. I’ve seen a few of those in my life, haha.

After the lighthouse, we made at a quick stop at a little honey shop for a tasting of the local honey. From there we went on a search for the White Bennetts Wallaby. They are albino wallabies that can only be found on Bruny Island and there are only about 200 of them. We were lucky enough to spot a couple.

We stopped for lunch at Adventure Bay and then at a small fudge shop for a fudge tasting. Where are my oysters????? I was getting impatient. Finally we got to the good stuff. We went to the Bruny Island Beer Company for a cheese tasting and I also sampled a flight of beers.

Last stop on the agenda…..The Bruny Island Oyster Company!!!! Our group of 11 was given a dozen oysters so everyone could sample one. I wasn’t playing that game and I went and ordered a dozen for myself. They were absolutely delicious!!! It took all day, but I was finally a happy, fat kid.

We went back to Hobart and Marcel, Mika, Annika and I met up in Salamanca for drinks with Natalie. The night before finally caught up with me and the night ended relatively early.

Sadly, this was the end of my Tassy tour and I flew back to Melbourne yesterday. Those 8 days were without a doubt the best part of my trip so far and I’m sad to see it end, but excited to continue on my adventure. I met some great people that I hope to keep in touch with.

I leave in the morning for a 3 day tour of The Great Ocean Road and Grampians National Park on my way to Adelaide.

I hope you’re enjoying following along as much as I’m enjoying writing about my adventures kickin’ it with kangaroos.

 

Do I start with the bunk bed story or make you read the whole post?? I think I’ll go with the ladder. That will be funnier later. We started our morning with the Cataract Gorge Walk in Launceston. The gorge was picturesque though the lighting was a bit off because the sun hadn’t fully risen yet. Along the walk we saw peacocks and wallabies.

Two people from the tour left us last night and after the walk, we lost 3 more, but gained 2 newbies.

We made a stop in St. Helens for lunch and then headed to the Bay of Fires. It’s called Bay of Fires because when Captain Tobias Furneax sailed past he saw the coastline glowing with the lit fires of the Aboriginal people.

White sand beaches, crystal blue waters and a free campground just steps from the beach. I was in heaven! We spent 2 hours there and when I got back to the bus I joked with our tour guide, Chrissy, that I was gonna grab my gear and she could pick me up on her way through next week. If she said ok, I would have stayed.

From the Bay of Fires we had one more stop at Shell Beach in FALMOUTH!! Even more exciting, on the drive, we saw a tiger snake on the side of the road. Unfortunately, we couldn’t stop and I couldn’t get a picture. I swear I’m gonna get my snake encounter sooner or later.

Finally, we headed to Bicheno where we would spend the night. I’ll skip dinner and drinks and get right to the story you’ve been waiting for.

I went to bed about 11:30, and around 2 am I needed to go to the bathroom. Our hostel was very small and we had an 8 person shared dorm. I had given up a bottom bunk to let one of the older gentlemen have it, which left me up top. The top bunks didn’t have anything dividing them and they shared one ladder in the middle. In order to avoid hitting or sitting on Alvaro’s feet as I got up, I got onto the ladder from the side and facing down. What I didn’t realize is that these bunks were quite a bit higher than all the others I had stayed in on this trip. So…..I took 2 steps down and then stepped off thinking I was near the floor. I was still a couple feet off the ground. I fell to the ground, hit my head on the opposite bunks, slammed my toe into something and woke up all but one person in the room. Somehow, Ivo, slept through it.

The next day, my toe was bruised and really sore, but I had a mountain to climb. We headed out to Freycinet National Park where we had a few walks to choose from. My toe wasn’t going to stop me from the most challenging option of going to the summit of Mt. Amos.

Only 6 of the 21 of us chose this option and Chrissy led our walk. The walk was steep at times, had no railings, only a few steps at the bottom, and sometimes required scaling large slabs of rock or climbing through crevaces. It took about 3 hours roundtrip and I really enjoyed it.

The view of Wineglass Bay from the summit was well worth it.

After the walk, we headed to Bonorong Wildlife Sanctuary where they care for injured and orphaned animals until they can release them back into the wild. We saw a baby wombat, Tasmanian devils, koalas and loads of kangaroos. We got to pet a koala and hand feed the kangaroos. The kangaroos are so used to people that we got some awesome pictures with them.

We headed back to Hobart at the end of the day where we said goodbye to most of our group, including Didi and Katja. Hopefully I’ll see them again in Adelaide, but who knows. Anna left today, Mia had left after day 3 and we’re losing Chrissy too. Tomorrow we get a new tour guide. Marcel and I will continue on our Tasmanian journey without the rest of the dinner crew.

A 200 year old prison, Hobart from about 4,000 feet, a nightmare worthy museum and some of the best oysters in the world…….coming up next.

P.S. Don’t leave your bi

I flew from Melbourne to Hobart, Tasmania on 2/22. The tour left Hobart bright and early the next morning and headed for the West Coast, where apparently it rains 300 days out of the year. Our first stop along the way was the Tall Trees Walk to Russell Falls.

After the walk, we headed to Lake St. Clair for lunch. Lake St. Clair is Australia’s deepest freshwater lake and also the ending point for the Overland Track. There were signs everywhere warning that the snakes were very active right now, but it was all a pack of lies.

On the road to the lake, we saw an echidna eating on the side of the road. It’s basically a cross between an anteater and a porcupine. Fun fact: Male echidnas have 4 penises.

After lunch we drove to the Franklin-Gordon Wild Rivers National Park and took a short walk to Donaghys Lookout, which provided 360° views of the park.

We made a couple more quick stops on our way to Strahan where we’d spend the next 2 nights.

On day 2 we set out for Montezuma Falls, Tasmania’s highest waterfall. The walk took about 3 hours roundtrip. Before reaching the falls we came across an old mine. You could only go about 20 feet into the mine before the shaft was blocked off. When I got to the barrier, I finally shone my flashlight at something other than the ground. When I looked at the walls and ceilings, I saw 15-20 spiders all around me.

Just before the falls was a steel suspension bridge running high above the river below. It was very narrow, wobbly and bouncy, so obviously I loved it.

There was no swimming pool at the bottom of Montezuma Falls, just a bunch of rocks, so I climbed on the rocks to see if I could get to the base and take a picture looking straight up at the falls. Mission accomplished!

After lunch we headed to the Henty Dunes, a shifting sand dune that moves slowly and “swallows” anything in it’s path. At the top of the dune, you can see the tips of the trees it has suffocated and killed and the trees that are in the process of dying.

We headed back to Strahan and later that night, I went out for dinner and drinks with a group of people from the tour (Marcel, Didi, Katja, Anna, and Mia). When we went back to the hostel, Marcel and I ended up hanging out with some people from another tour group until about 2 am. Big mistake!!

My alarm was set for 5:30 and I got up a little while later, still in a drunken haze. I showered and got dressed and when I looked at my phone to see how much time I had until breakfast, I saw that it was only 4:30 in the morning. Ughhh. I was awake and ready and hr earlier than I needed to be.

Thankfully we had a 2 1/2 hour bus ride to Cradle Mountain and I slept the whole way. Cradle Mountain is where the Overland Track begins. This ended up being the hardest hike of my whole trip so far and the hangover didn’t do anything to help. After a steep, uphill, hour long hike, we reached Marion’s Lookout where we would rest and eat lunch.

The walk down was a gradual descent that took about an hr and a half and at the end we saw a wombat!!!!

After the walk, we stopped in Sheffield on our way to Launceston. Sheffield is the “town of murals” and they have an annual mural competition. Artists are invited to paint murals that are displayed in the park and over the course of about a year, visitors vote on their favorite. These were my favorites (in order).

When we got to Launceston, a group of us went to the Pizza Pub for dinner. I ordered a wallaby pizza, but they were out of wallaby. Biggest disappointment of the trip. The best part of Launceston though……a double room with single beds!! First time in 5 weeks not sleeping in bunk beds!!! This would come back to bite me in the ass the next night. Stay tuned.

Here’s a wallaby I saw on one of the walks:

People here look at you like you have 2 heads when you tell them you’re going to walk somewhere that takes longer than 10 minutes.

Me: “If I walk back from St. Kilda alone at night am I gonna get jumped?”

Guy at reception: “Maybe. It’s quite a long walk though. It takes about an hr.”

Me: “Yea, it’s only like 3 miles.”

I prefer to walk places. I’m not going to see much from a tram. So I walked to St. Kilda. There was almost nothing to see. I broke down and spent the $12 to take a tram back. It’s cheaper than getting mugged, I guess.

St. Kilda is a suburb of Melbourne that somewhat resembles Coney Island. I described it that way the other day to someone because it has a boardwalk, a pier, and an amusement park. What I didn’t know at the time is that the amusement park is Luna Park, which is the same amusement park as Coney Island. The Coney Island park was built in 1902 and in 1912 St. Kilda got their Luna Park. Visitors to Luna Park are greeted by Mr. Moon, who is pretty creepy.

Other than the park, St. Kilda is pretty much just a board walk, pier and beach. Not a whole lot to see.

That is, not a whole lot to see except for the stars of the show.

St. Kilda Breakwater, at the end of the pier, is home to a colony of Little Penguins. Little penguins are the smallest species of penguin in the world. Every night after sunset, especially summer nights, they come out of the rocks of the breakwater to nest and feed. The breakwater is also home to Rakali, which are native water rats, but kinda look just small otters. At the very least, they sound more adorable when described that way. Flash photography is not allowed, so the pictures aren’t the greatest, but…….real life, not in the zoo, flippin penguins!!!!

 

I’m off to Tasmania!!

I arrived in Melbourne 5 days ago, after a 9 hr bus ride from Canberra. On my 2nd day here, I took a 2 hr walking city tour provided by the hostel and learned the most important thing you can ever know about Melbourne. The land was “discovered” by Batman……John Batman is the European who stole the land from the Wurundjeri tribe. Being the modest man that John was, he wanted to name the place Batmania, but was overruled and it was named Melbourne instead. Given what we now know about Batman, I think they missed a real opportunity here.

Melbourne is big on culture and art. They are famed for their graffiti’d alleys and streets like Hosier Lane where artists are given permits to paint murals.

There’s also AC/DC Lane. The Australian Band has their own muraled alley dedicated to them.

That’s enough art for now, back to our questionable heroes. Ned Kelly, Australian bushranger!! Aussie’s are divided on whether or not he was a good guy or a bad guy. Some see him as an Australian version of Robin Hood, while others see him as a murderous villian. Either way he is probably the most legendary person in Australian history and wait til you see this man’s beard.

Eventually, Kelly was caught, tried, convicted and hung for murder at the Old Melbourne Gaol (don’t ask me how or why, but that is pronounced “jail”)….It’s “the old spelling” is what they tell me. When I found out the jail offered nighttime ghost tours, Ned Kelly himself wasn’t going to stop me from getting a ticket. Unfortunately, when I went on the tour nothing weird happened, so basically I just walked around a dark jail listening to stories about some of the weird things that can go on there. Not a great story to tell those of you that are skeptics.

The other thing Melbourne is known for is it’s night life. The party never stops here if you don’t want it to. It just so happens that I was here for “White Night,” which is held once a year in Melbourne. It goes from 7 pm on Saturday night until 7 am Sunday morning. From my small sample, I have no idea what the point is other than to party. They told me the city would be lit up, but it was pretty much just a fuckton of people gathered in certain areas and they had some live music.

I had a day trip booked for the next morning and had to wake up at 6 am, so I just got a glimpse of White Night. I either missed the party of a lifetime or another opportunity to realize I’m too old for this shit.

That’s all for now. I’ll have at least one more Melbourne post about my day trip and the aftermath of White Night.

Literally, everyone looked at me and asked why I was going to Canberra. I was like, “I don’t know. I feel like it’d be like driving past Washington D.C. and not stopping.” So I went to Canberra for 2 1/2 days. That was plenty. I arrived on Sunday afternoon around 3:30 and it was basically a ghost town. Imagine going to Quincy Market on a Sunday afternoon and there being like 10 people there, because that’s what this was like.

My first full day, I visited the Australian War Memorial. It’s a memorial, but it’s also a bit of a museum. I took an hour long free tour of the World War I section of the memorial. The tour consisted of the guide, a Canadian woman and I. Before we started she asked where I was from and I told her “Massachusetts, in the States.” She says, “Oh, that’s funny. I was just saying how I haven’t seen alot of Americans in Canberra recently. Maybe they’re all just saying they’re Canadian?” I will take Donald Trump over Canada anyday, lady. She then asked me what I was doing in Australia and where I’d been and proceeded to correct my pronunciation of every place I said besides Sydney. I kindly told her she should feel free to come to Massachusetts and try to pronounce the names of our towns.

Anyway, I went on the tour and learned some shit you probably don’t care about so I won’t regurgitate any of it. Here’s some pictures….

The Hall of Rememberance was really beautiful. It houses the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, has huge stained glass windows and the depictions on the walls were done by hand using 6.5 million mosaic tiles.

After the memorial, I went around back and took a trail up to the top of Mt. Ainslie. It was only about 2,500 ft high, but it was the first Australian mountain I summited on my own and you could see the whole city from the lookout.

After hiking back down the mountain, it was just about closing time for the memorial. Over 102,000 Australians have died in military service and everyday at close they hold The Last Post Ceremony and tell the story of one of those men or women who was killed serving their country. On this day, they told the story of Private Gerald Campion who was killed, at the age of 27, by German artillery fire on October 10, 1917 sadly just 1 day after his brother, Willie, was killed in an attempted raid at Celtic Woods.

On my 2nd day in Canberra, I went to Parliament House. Due to stupid luck, I guess, the House and Senate are in session this time of year, just back from recess. I had my daypack with me and forgot that my Leatherman tool was in it, so I accidentally tried to get a knife through security. They confiscated it until I left for the day. Oops. There really wasn’t much to see in the building, but shortly after I arrived the House of Representatives sat and began session. Prime Minister Turnbull addressed the House with a statement about their efforts to close the inequality gap between the indigenous people of Australia (Aborigines) and the non-indigenous people. I was literally like 100 feet from the Prime Minister of Australia. When he was finished, the Head of State continued on the topic. After he finished, I headed over to the Senate for what they call Question Time.

That’s the empty Senate floor a couple hours before. Question Time was amazing, ridiculous, childish….I dunno. I had to stop myself from laughing a few times. I don’t know how anything gets done in this country. The President of the Senate would call on someone and they would ask a question to either the Attorney General (representing the PM), another Senator or one of the ministers (cabinet members). If the question came from the Labor Party and was addressed to someone from another party, when the person tried to answer, most of the labor party just yelled “interjections” at them. They were often insulting, questioning the other party’s integrity, and flat out dismissing their policies and asking why they hid stuff from the public during the election. It was madness.

The Minister of Defense was asked about their efforts to liberate Mosul in Iraq and told us about their mission. Shit that I feel like should be classified and not only was it available to the public sitting in, but it was being broadcast on tv in Australia. The level of access that people have to Australian government proceedings is absolutely mind boggling. It would never happen in the States.

Up next Melbourne……

If that’s sounds like a porno title, that’s because that’s exactly what this trip was like. It was hot and steamy. There was a dick, a pizza delivery and in the end I got fucked. The only thing this porn is missing is sex.

I took about an hour and a half train ride South of Sydney to Wollongong. I checked into my hostel and found that all 3 of my roommates were at least in their 50’s. You must get cold pretty easily when you’re older because even though it was 95° out they insisted on keeping the balcony door open 24 hrs a day. The good news is it was a first floor balcony so any critter could just wander in (like the guy below). I didn’t put my shoes on once without banging them out first.

On the first night, I wandered around like I do every new city and found my way to the Wollongong City Beach where swimming is not recommended because of strong rip currents. No silly sign is going to stop surfers though. I ate dinner at the Eat Street Market, which is a food truck festival held every Thursday night. Food trucks are the shit.

The rest of the night I tried to figure out what I was going to do in The Gong and found out that nothing I wanted to do was actually in Wollongong. I either passed it on the train ride or couldn’t get to it by public transportation. Wonderful!!

Day 2, I visited the Nan Tien Temple, which is the largest Buddhist Temple in the Southern Hemisphere. I saw real live monks, but I’m still searching for spiritual enlightenment. I was starving when I got there, so I ate a vegetarian lunch because it was the only option. I wasn’t sure exactly what everything on the plate was and I didn’t know if it was disrespectful to not finish (haha) so I ate it all.

After the temple, I headed back to the hostel and grabbed my beach gear. I took the bus to North Wollongong Beach, which was more swimmer friendly, but still had some good surf.

Day 3 was 103° and humid. Obviously, the only thing to do was go to the beach. I voluntary put on sunscreen for the first time in my life after getting a slight burn the day before. The Australia sun is no joke. When I got to the beach, this time there were signs that said “Warning: Stingers floating” and had a picture of a jellyfish on it. Everyone was in the water anyway, so at least I knew they weren’t box jellyfish, which are extremely deadly. I got in the water and within a few minutes a softball sized jellyfish floated past me. I have no idea what kind it was or what getting stung felt like, but I wasn’t sticking around to find out. I was done swimming for the day.

Eventually I headed back to the hostel to shower and change, then I got dinner and found a bar and had a few pints. When I went back to the hostel, I decided to grab a 6 pack and sit out on the balcony to drink it, since it was cooler out there than in my room. I wish that was a joke. My room was a sauna for 3 days.

As I was enjoying my beers, the oldest of the roommates (also the only one still there) came into the room and locked the screen slider. I heard the lock click, but didn’t think anything of it at the time, especially since it was the first time the slider had been closed in 3 days let alone locked.

About 5 minutes later, I had my first “Holy Shit!!” Australia moment. Something fell on my shoulder, which didn’t bother me until it scurried up over my shoulder and down my arm. I freaked out and ended up wearing half my beer. It turned out to JUST be a good sized cockroach. I needed another beer now and this is when I found out I was locked out.

After a few minutes of trying to get in my room, the old man came back in the room. I assumed he would see and hear me trying to get in since his bed was next to the slider, but after a minute he turned to leave. I said, “Hey, can you let me in?” He never looked back and just left. I swear it was intentional.

I heard some girls in the room next door, so I tried knocking on the balcony divider and calling to them. No luck. Literally, as I was putting my foot up on the 6 foot, spiked fence to try and hop over, one of the girls came to their slider. I told her what happened, handed her my key and she came in my room and unlocked the door. Jokes on you, old man!! Kimberly from Vancouver and her roommate, Sam, from California were very nice. We talked for alittle while and then went out for a drink before calling it a night. I was off to Canberra in the morning and I couldn’t get out of The Gong fast enough.

I left Sydney 5 days ago and just have a bunch of random stuff I didn’t have time to post about or didn’t want to individually dedicated a whole post too, so this is gonna be a clusterfuck of random thoughts.

Chinese New Year is a pretty big deal in Sydney. It’s a 2 week festival full of celebrations and Chinese traditions. One of these traditions is The Lion Dance, which dates back thousands of years and is meant to bring good luck.

Another is the Chinese Lunar Lamps, which represent each phase of the lunar calendar.

There are 2 more, the Cat and the Dog, not sure what happened to thise pictures though. The Cat lantern was hilarious though. This year is the year of the Rooster.

They also “painted” the city red one night.

 

I got tired of not seeing spiders (crazy, I know), so I went to the Museum of Australia and checked out the special spiders exhibit they were doing.

I watched an Australian tarantula get milked for venom and crickets get fed to a Huntsman spider and Sydney Funnel Web spider. Depending on which source you consult, the Sydney Funnel Web ranks anywhere from the most deadly to the 3rd most deadly spider in the world. They are the most deadly spider in Australia. They are extremely aggressive, but thankfully they are nocturnal. The male is 5 times more deadly (to humans) than the female, but only lives about 5 years. Around 5 years old, they choose a mate and the female either rejects the male and kills it or accepts the male, mates, and then kills it. The females can live up to 25 years and have long serial killer careers. Nobody has died in Australia from a spider bite since 1980 when the Funnel Web anti-venom was created. This exhibit left my Snapchat friends with beautiful images before bed, but actually eased my fear of being attacked in the shower by a giant spider.

Time for something a little more cuddly……koalas!! No, I haven’t seen one yet. We learned about them on one of my hikes though. Koalas are a mess. First off, they aren’t koala bears, just koalas. Like kangaroos, they are marsupials and have pouches. 90% of koalas have chlamydia and male koalas are deadbeat dads. After mating, the male sneaks out while she’s still asleep, never knowing that he knocked the girl up. This means that the males have no idea that they’ve had a kid….You see where this is going? When the joey (same as a kangaroo baby, Australians are lazy when it comes to naming shit), ends up being a female, it is not uncommon for the male to return at some point in the future and unknowingly mate with his daughter. I told you, they’re a mess. Here comes the real downer. Koalas are not high all the time. It turns out that the eucalyptus is hard for them to digest and doesn’t contain many nutrients, so the koala sleeps so much and appears lazy because most of it’s energy is used during digestion. Koalas are pretty rare to see in the wild, but I’m holding out hope.

Sorry for ruining koalas for you.

P.S. Tom Brady’s patronus is a goat.